Carla Valencia


I would like to share with you my personal experiences about some low self esteem symptoms and how to fix them.

Low Self Esteem symptom # 1- Blaming others: Stop complaining

This is usually known as complaining. I used to complain a lot in the past. Of course it was always everybody else fault. I found that this kind of behavior is a symptom of low self esteem. In blaming others I did not assumed responsibility. By not assuming responsibility I became a victim of my circumstances. This is a sign of low self esteem.

How did I change this?. I took the decision to not complain any more. Every time I found myself complaining about something . I stop and I say to myself: Is time to take responsibility.

Low self esteem symptom # 2 - Denial:

This is my favorite one; I leaved many years on denial. I used to minimize problems, forgetting events. I did not want to feel the pain. Despite the evidence, my tendency was to insist that it was not true.

For example. When my father died, it was around 11:00 pm and I called one of my best friends. I told her that I needed to do some shopping and kept talking about trivial issues. She knew me very well, and I after I finished my talking she said: “I am sorry your father is gone” .This is a sign of low self esteem.

How did I change this?. I took the decision to start taking the risk of feeling my feelings. I realized that it is better feeling the pain once than keep feeling it all the time without knowing what was going on inside of me. This is like having a toothache and avoid going to the dentist to avoid the pain. So we take medication hoping that the pain will go away, until we cannot bury it anymore and we make the appointment.

Low self esteem symptom # 4 - Unable to express our feelings:

Being unable to express our feelings is being unable to feeling them. This is my favorite one too. I was unable to know what I was feeling. For example. I felt anger and I did not know how to express it. Whenever somebody asked me: Are you angry?. I smiled and I said: “No, I am not angry”. The truth is that I was confused about my feelings, and I felt afraid to express them. I did not understand that anger could be a healthy feeling. I always thought it was bad so I repressed it. This is a sign of low self esteem.

How did I overcome this?. I decided to be brave and start to express my feelings . I learn how to be more assertive . For example, my husband is always late, and I am punctual. So, every time we go out, I am ready. He is always doing things at the last minute and this makes me really angry. I used to smile and said nothing . I did not wanted to ruin the day. Instead of doing this one day I told him : “I am really uncomfortable when we have to go out and you are never ready and we are late”. Just being able to express myself in this way had helped me a lot in not repressing my anger anymore.

Low self esteem symptom # 5- Depending on others for self-acceptance:

I used to depend on others to accept myself, I thought: if you like me, I am ok. If you accept me, I will accept myself. . Always waiting for a sign of approval so that I could feel good about myself.This is a sign of low self esteem.

How did I change this? Well, I become aware that people have different point of view, that sometimes they project in us their frustrations, and that if somebody really loves me, he or she will take me the way I am. I felt relief, just being conscious that we cannot please everyone and giving myself permission to be me. It had helped me to accept myself not worrying about others opinions.

This is like when you get your hair done, and then meet people and you are waiting for somebody to praise me. If you meet a friend, let’s say, and she says, what have you done with your hair! I liked it the way it was before!!, you start to feel uncomfortable, and doubt about your new style. If you accept yourself and you are not waiting for other people’s acceptance, you will be conformable no matter what others say.

Low self esteem symptom # 6 - Lack personal boundaries:

I did not know how to draw a line between my problems and other’s problems. I let people to be invasive. This behavior is linked with no knowing how to say no. I used to be so mixed up, that when I meat somebody with a problem, I internalized as mine. For example. I remembered once a new co-worker got hired . We meat and he started to ask too many personal questions. Even though I felt uncomfortable I answered the questions.This is a sign of low self esteem.

How did I change this?. Well this experience occurred to me again. Because I was determined to set boundaries with other people, I could handle this in a different way. I just told her that I was not comfortable answering personal questions. I did not answered them. The good thing is that my co-worker understood my request and we had an excellent relationship. Setting boundaries is really important. We can still help other people, be nice to them but there is a place inside of us that we have to respect and do not have fear of rejection.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with”. Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.



Donald

Robert Kokoska


Many of us know that we would benefit greatly from increased sense of self confidence; after all, a lack of it is often easy enough to identify! If you are lacking self-confidence, you are much more likely to let people treat you badly or take advantage of you. You might also have a tendency to fall short of your real potential at work or school, or even in your interpersonal relationships. If any of these above descriptions sound like you, chances are, you need to work on your self-confidence a little. But actually building self-confidence can be a long and tough road - and it isn’t as simple as it might sound. However, here are some useful tips for building self-confidence to get you on your way and on the right track.

First, the big key to personal self confidence is to trully love yourself, and this can be really difficult if you weren’t raised with a sense of unconditional love or support. That doesn’t mean that your parents didn’t love you - but some may have had trouble showing or expressing it, or they may have been so anxious for you to grow up ‘right’ that some disapproving messages were sent out instead. As children, we pick these things up unconsciously, and grow to beleive them. When beginning to build on your self-confidence, it will be a time to let go of self-critical thinking and beliefs. Wherever you are at the moment is a fine starting point. There is no need to criticise or berate yourself for what you percieve as your deficiencies so always to try catch yourself out thinking negatively and transfrom the thought into a positive one.

Second, try to identify what you are really good at and enjoy, and perfect that skill. The better you are at what you do, and the more positive feedback you recieve, the higher your self-confidence will be. Confidence grows out of achievement and success. Many of us have the common perception that we don’t enjoy working hard - this usually isn’t the case if the work you are doing is right for you and you enjoy it. Once that happpens, you will likely feel confident, skilled and become more productive.

Finally, another great way of building your self-confidence is to occasionally challenge yourself, maybe even doing things that scare you a little now and then. Start small - by doing something you haven’t done before, but that doesn’t take you too far out of your personal comfort zone. Then, build on that. As you start taking more chances and becoming more adventurous, your sense of self will begin to expand. If you really enjoy life and the work you are currently doing, building self-confidence should be a natural by-product. It becomes something that evolves on its own rather than something you work on, and the rewards will be great in all aspects of your life!



Cathy

David Roppo


“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.” said Richard Bach, philosopher and renowned author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. This classic novel is a story of transformation, which portrays a spirited bird that by trial and error learns to fly for grace and speed, not merely for food and survival. When he returns to his flock with the message that they can become creatures of excellence, he is banished for his irresponsibility. He flies alone until he meets two radiant gulls who teach him to achieve perfect flight by transcending the limits of time and space. Jonathan returns to the flock, gathering disciples to spread the idea of perfection.

 

I believe there’s a profound lesson to be learned from this inspirational tale, and it encompasses the meaning of true perfection! However, perfection is a difficult noun to get your arms around since it’s not easily defined and it’s often misunderstood. The standard definition of perfection is the process of becoming or making something perfect.  But, what is the basis for measuring perfection? Most of the so-called experts believe that perfection is an external illusion and that self-confidence is, more or less, a by-product of that mirage. Well, they are right and wrong! First, external perfection is an illusion; however, internal perfection is not! Second, self-confidence is not a by-product of anything – especially not an illusion. Real perfection is a matter of self-perception. And, self-confidence is no exception to that rule. Therefore, true perfection lies in what you think and not in what others think of you. As Jonathan encountered opposition to his own beliefs, so do people in every walk of life. The difference lies in how you handle that opposition. Will you allow others to strip you of your personal power, or will you allow public opinion to roll off like water on a ducks back? If your answer is the later, then inner perfection is your goal. And, I am quite certain that if you are in fact perfect inside, then you must be confident! Ironically, when you awaken inner perfection, it automatically transforms external perfection. So, if you think you can, you will! If you think you can’t, you won’t! In reality, you are perfect! You just don’t believe it yet! But, believing it is often more difficult than meets the eye. Maybe that’s because most people are taught to achieve perfection and self-confidence externally. If you’ve read any of the self-confidence building books available today, then you know exactly what I’m driving at. Many of these books, if not all, focus on modifying external components such as clothes, hair, make up, improved posture, and body weight. But rarely, if ever, do these literary works provide any advice for internal transformation other than positive thinking, affirmation, and/or behavioral modification techniques. These, in my opinion, are absolutely ineffective for transforming internal perfection. You can stand in front of the mirror and say “I’m smart enough, I’m good enough, I’m pretty enough, and darn it I love myself,” until your blue in the face!  But, it’s not going to make a shred of difference unless you truly have a reason to believe it. And, that requires uncovering your inner perfection with a journey of self-discovery!

 

Take a moment to examine your self-esteem. What do you like about yourself, and what don’t you like? What are your biggest fears? Do you feel inadequate? Don’t sugarcoat it! Be honest with yourself! How have your own insecurities and lack of self-confidence caused you to blame, criticize, or push your partner away? It’s easy to blame your partner for the failing relationship, but when you point your finger at him, where are the other three pointing? Why is it that you notice the speck of wood in your partner’s eye, but you have failed to notice the log in your own? If you want to blast your confidence into orbit you’ll need to focus on self-discovery. So, what self-limiting beliefs have you learned, and how have they damaged your self-esteem?

Do any of the following negative thoughts sound familiar?

I don’t deserve an attractive partner I don’t deserve to be happy I always end up on the losing side Bad things always happen to me I deserve to be mistreated Everyone always abandons me I can’t do anything right Everyone hates me Everyone thinks I am so dumb I am a loser I am stupid I am fat I am not good looking I should have more friends

How many of these negative thoughts have been lingering in your subconscious? Remember, if you think you can’t, you won’t! And moreover, if you think you’re not worthy or don’t deserve happiness, you will attract relationships that complete those negative thoughts. So, what you think and how you really feel is far more powerful than the words you speak. But, the secret to creating mind blowing confidence is more than just external or behavioral modification. It requires a journey of self-discovery-one that will awaken your inner perfection!

 

Best wishes,

 

David Roppo

 

The Relationship Rehab Coach

If you’d like more information for creating unstoppable and purely mind blowing, relationship self-confidence click on the link below……..

 

Unstoppable Self-Confidence 

 



Warren

Muna wa Wanjiru


Self esteem inventory offers you score from 0 to 4 for your current behavior and thoughts. If you feel that you can never think or feel this way then your mark will be 0. If you feel that you can do less than half of the time the score is 1 and if you believe that you can do half of the time then the score is 2. If you feel that you can do more than half the time then it is 3 and if you feel that you can always think or behave this way then your score will be 4. The self esteem inventory helps to identify the factors that make you possess low level self esteem and to improve your self esteem level.

Another type of inventory provides you marks according to your behavior to react to problems in daily life. The inventory rate will be from 0 to 5. The respective characters are never, rarely, sometimes, frequently, always. You have to answer certain questions and the marks will e provided accordingly. If your answer contains more never then you have low self esteem level and you need to improve it. The marks will show the respective self esteem level like moderate self esteem, low self esteem, severely low self esteem etc. If you found that you are having poor self esteem level you will be advised to take immediate steps to improve.

Healthy self esteem is essential for happy and successful life. Low self esteem will always result in relationship problems. So self esteem inventory is important to analyze your self esteem level. The self esteem inventory scale is provided by experts and thus you can believe the scores.

Self esteem inventory scale is provided differently according to the age and nature of the subject. School children may face different type of self esteem problems while college students and teenagers may face another type of problems. Variance in this is successfully dealt in self esteem inventory.

Rosenberg self esteem inventory scale is based on the statements. The statements will be categorized by the given answers as agree, strongly agree, disagree, strongly disagree. In some statements agree and strongly agree are considered positive while in some other statements disagree and strongly dis agree will be considered positive. But more positive responses indicate that you are possessing healthy self esteem. The Rosenberg self esteem scale has ten statements that cover all the aspects that can be applied to all age groups irrespective of sex and country. Some of these statements have acquired global acceptance.



Ruth

Zoltan Roth


 

 

One of the major challenges we face in the 21st century is handling the amount of choices we have. It’s very complex. When you have hundreds of things to choose from you tend to hesitate and being clueless what direction to go. You do not know for sure what would be the best to do, what activity would give you the most satisfaction or what would you really love to do.

That’s one major reason why people never finish what they started. Their interest dies away before they would accomplish something. You have to be more focused on what you do, because there are more destructive patterns to get you out of the track than was before. And this is a fairly “new” phenomenon in our society. There are so many other excitements out there, why should you keep doing whatever you started to do? Let’s do something else, something fun. We can finish this later.

And that’s where you damage your self-esteem and self confidence. There is NO accomplishments, NO results, the job is NOT done. Can you be proud of yourself? Of course NOT. Did you achieve something? You did NOT.When you start something you’d better finish it otherwise your opinion of yourself will be hurt.

And that’s what self-esteem is: YOUR OPINION, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR APPRAISAL and YOUR EVALUATION of yourself.Self-esteem is your approach toward the “attacks” of reality.

What is high self-esteem?

When you feel great, happy and satisfied about yourself you have healthy, high self-esteem. When you love and respect yourself, when you feel confident to achieve anything you wish to achieve you have high self-esteem. When you have tons of energy and smiling a lot you have high self-esteem. The more tasks you accomplish the higher the level of your self-esteem is going to be.

What is low self-esteem?

Basically the opposite. When you do not feel good, happy and satisfied about yourself. Low self-esteem comes from not loving and respecting yourself. When you think you are not worth of love, respect and happiness you have low self-esteem. When you are focusing on your weaknesses instead of your strengths you develop low self-esteem.

Feeling good about yourself is essential to overcome the obstacles in your life, to be more active and energetic to face challenges on a daily basis. When you love and respect yourself you radiate that positive energy toward people who you interact with. You will more likely to have positive feedback from them if they feel that you are confident and you have high self-esteem.

Developing self-esteem is crucial to your well-being. To live an active, happy, fun life you have to work on your self-esteem. It’s not easy and change does not happen overnight. If you set slightly challenging, but achievable goals you can move toward accomplishing them. Once you finish them would give you the satisfaction, the feeling that you did something great, something of value. And then you can relax, enjoy life and can get ready for your next challenge.

 

 

 

 



Travis