Matthew Hick


Low self-esteem can strike anyone at any point in their lives. Teenagers are especially vulnerable since they are at a point in their lives where they still rely heavily on what others think of them to boost their confidence and give them the strength to move toward the next stage in their development.

New mothers too, often suffer with self esteem issues since they are entering a scary new phase in life which often leaves them feeling totally helpless and frustrated at their lack of knowledge.

How can you tell if you or someone you care about is just in a rut, or has slipped into the realm of self-esteem issues?

Look for these sure-fire signs of low self-esteem:

-An inability to live in the moment.

People with chronic low self esteem issues often spend more time worrying about the future, or dwelling on mistakes that they’ve made in the past, that they fail to enjoy the here and now moments in life.

-An inability to be satisfied with what they have.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s their home, job, family, spouse, or even their car, the low self esteem sufferer is never happy with what they have and is always looking for something bigger and better to bring them the happiness they crave.

-An inability to accept not being perfect.

Those with low self-esteem think they need to be perfect at everything they do and simply cannot handle it when they aren’t. They are eager to please anyone and everyone around them, and are overly sensitive to criticism, even when it’s warranted.

-An inability to try new things.

Without the self esteem to believe they can accomplish something new, fear keeps the sufferer from asking for that promotion; going on a date with the person they’re attracted to; or even getting on that roller coater with their kids.

-An inability to accept themselves for whom and what they really are.

People with low self esteem are constantly making negative “I Am” statements; concentrates on their defeats and disappointments; is constantly trying to improve the way they look, or totally neglects themselves due to the belief that they aren’t worth the trouble to look and feel better physically and emotionally.

-An inability to be truly intimate with another person.

Without the ability to connect with themselves, the person with low self esteem finds it difficult - if not impossible to truly connect with friends and family on a deep intimate level. Their relationships tend to be very superficial, with little or no depth.

-An inability to slow down.

Busy people don’t have the chance to look at their underlying problems, so people with self-esteem issues often hide their true feelings of inadequacies by staying busy, busy, busy.



Sean

GregFrost


In this day and age, it is not surprising to see how pervasive low self esteem has become. In an age where girls and women alike suffer from some form of eating disorders brought on by issues with their self image, self esteem related problems have definitely become a major issue. In America alone, 20 percent of college women suffer from bulimia. This is the age where many feel the need to be slim and trim and beautiful in order to be accepted by society at large.

The truth is, low self esteem can be caused by a great number of things. Feelings of jealousy, envy, emotional insecurity, loneliness, guilt, and even self pity can contribute to low self esteem. Symptoms of low self esteem include denial, the inability to express one’s feelings, a heavy dependence on others to feel good about one’s self, blaming others for one’s misfortunes, and not having personal boundaries.

Low self esteem is really about not valuing or having high regard for one’s self. People suffering from low self esteem feel inferior, as though they are not in charge of their lives. They feel victimized, ostracized from society, and unimportant to everyone around them. Because it affects their subconscious, low self esteem is really a deep-seated phenomenon that has its origins in one’s formative years as a child, and is often not an easy problem to fix.

People suffering from self pity tend to be manipulative, using their belief of low self worth to get what they want out of other people. They become almost like parasites, clinging onto the good will of others and becoming dependent on them just to get through their lives. Obviously this would breed negativity in any sort of relationship. Similarly, jealousy can also cause negativity when used as a tool of manipulation.

Some might consider the heavy dependence on others a disease, but in all actuality, it is not by definition a disease. It is a condition affecting the emotional and behavioural aspects of a person that is developed over time and learned, and it affects one’s ability of having healthy relationships or any relationships to speak of. Symptoms of this condition include guilt when expressing honest thoughts, giving more than one receives, and suffering from emotional hurt easily when one’s effort is not seen as significant or even recognised.

The factors contributing to emotional insecurity include a lack of a healthy balance between work and family and one’s self, the fear of intimacy with loved ones, and needing some form of validation in life through drama.

Overcoming these symptoms of low self esteem is crucial if you are aiming to live a healthy, well-adjusted life as an adult. If you are unsure of what to do to improve your relationships with those around you and your feelings of insecurity and self worth, always seek help, from loved ones or even a healthcare professional. The number one mistake people tend to make is believing that they can overcome this problem alone. Low self esteem is a condition that is affecting millions around the world every single day, and recognising the symptoms will definitely go a long way in preventing and overcoming the condition.



Kylie

Lynn Hull And Julie Molner


No matter where we go we meet people who say to us, “If only I had more self-confidence I’d be just fine”. There does not appear to be an age limit, a gender, affluence or comfort boundary either. Even people we coach who are at the top in their business constantly express their perceived need for more self-confidence.

So what is this thing we call “self-confidence”? It’s a blanket term sure enough and one that tells us precisely nothing until we start to look underneath the blanket to find out what bugs (fears, negative beliefs, smallness and weakness) cause a person to feel unconfident or at best ‘a need for more’.

What does the average human need in order to be able to have self-confidence? A way to unravel this conundrum is to take a look at the meaning of confidence.

CONFIDENCE: Noun. 1. Full trust; belief, trustworthiness or reliability of a person or thing. 2. Belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance. 3. Certitude; assurance

FULL TRUST or BELIEF: How do we get to a place where we can trust ourselves (for this is what we are talking about if we are talking “self-confidence”) to do or be like what? Every single one of us at all times does the very best we can in light of what we know and believe. Recognizing and accepting this would be a great first step toward increased self-confidence, wouldn’t it?

If we could go a bit farther and believe at the deepest level that we really are doing the best we can, our trust in ourselves would be even stronger. It would quiet those negative voices that come up in our heads, the ones that tell us that “we might not be good enough”, that “people might not like what we are doing”, etc. Everyone has their own particular version of mind chatter. It goes by many different names: negative self-talk, the gremlin, the inner critic, the saboteur, the ego. It doesn’t matter what name we use; what does matter is knowing that we can control these self-defeating thoughts. They most definitely do not need to control us and what we believe about ourselves.

RELIABILITY: Hmm, how does that sit? We all like to think of ourselves as ‘reliable’ and probably in matters concerning our friends and family, we are. However how reliable are we with ourselves? Can we rely on “the real me” to come shining through no matter what is happening? What causes that real and strong person to shrink away and hide?

Usually it’s some form of fear. One of the biggest is the fear of being wrong or of failure. It’s worth remembering here that we always have to fail in order to learn. The simplest example is learning how to walk. Wouldn’t we be surprised if a child suddenly got up off its bottom and walked perfectly with no falls or trips? So it is with adults: every time we try something different, something new, something that is a bit of a stretch for us, we are naturally putting ourselves up to fail and hence to learn. The biggest lesson of all is to remember that failing does not make us a failure! It simply makes us more knowledgeable, more experienced - and more likely to succeed the next time. The only way you can “let yourself down” is by running away. The only person you are running from is yourself and at a deep-down level you are aware of this. The inner you knows the outer you is not “reliable”.

SELF-RELIANCE: Most of us look for the approbation of others. Why is that? Well, simply because we do not trust ourselves. Learning to become independent of what other people think or believe about us is one of the richest resources we have. Again posited on the fact that we are doing the best we can, we need to add the next ingredient: each person’s life is totally unique. No one is travelling exactly the same road as you; no one ever has, nor ever will. Therefore only one person is key - and that is you. You are the only person on whom you can totally rely to know what is best for this particular life you are leading.

This is one of the reasons we believe so much in coaching. Going it alone can be tough. Having someone who is non-judgmental yet has our greater self at heart is a great boon. We are naturally social animals and yet we only truly have ourselves to rely on. This form of reliance is less tangible than relying on your neighbor to look out for the parcel delivery man because you won’t be home; or relying on your spouse to remember to bring home a loaf of bread. Those are examples of receiving help and we are not talking about refusing to ask for it. What we mean here is knowing that you can ask yourself whether your actions, beliefs and behaviors truly honor who you are. Only you will know.

BELIEF IN ONE’S POWERS: Has any human ever reached their full potential? It may be claimed that some of the great spiritual masters have done so yet for the ordinary “man in the street” it is a most unusual occurrence. Quite a staggering thought, isn’t it? As humans we are potentially more powerful than we care to believe and yet “being powerful” is not something that gets a good press. This is mainly because “power” is perceived to be used negatively. The times we hear of power is often in despotic terms.

Because of that view of power, we naturally become reluctant to allow ourselves to be as powerful as we are or even to “believe” we could be so powerful. If we let our power flow, will we be shunned, will we lose our friends and be alone? Actually, as humans we are powerful beyond our comprehension and that in itself is a scary prospect to most of us.

Yet we are talking about having the power to influence, to help, to develop, to support, to draw forth not only our own potential but also that of others. These are all positive, not negative. As with most growth, however, it does have to start with ourselves before we can give our best to help others.

We are all blessed with a range of powers. Some of them are easily recognizable - most of us are gifted with the powers of sight, of hearing, of speech, of smell, of touch. Then there are the less tangible powers such as love, caring, intuition. Learning to value the powers that we have and to use them gives a huge boost to what we call “self-confidence”

If we summarize what we’ve said, lack of self confidence is based on the belief that we are not enough and at the same time we deny how powerful we actually are. What a paradox.

Here are some affirmations to use daily that combat those bugs that live below the blanket of self-confidence:

? I naturally always do the best I can in all circumstances.

? I am always at liberty to change how I choose to see my circumstances so that they work more positively for me.

? I need to be reliable to myself before I can be reliable to others.

? I have inner strength that gets more powerful the more I use it.

? I can fail at doing things from which I can learn.

? I am not a failure.

? I am powerful and have gifts to share with others.

? I am enough-I am more than “enough”.

Copyright 2008 Lynn Hull and Julie Molner



Carlos

GregFrost


In this day and age, it is not surprising to see how pervasive low self esteem has become. In an age where girls and women alike suffer from some form of eating disorders brought on by issues with their self image, self esteem related problems have definitely become a major issue. In America alone, 20 percent of college women suffer from bulimia. This is the age where many feel the need to be slim and trim and beautiful in order to be accepted by society at large.

The truth is, low self esteem can be caused by a great number of things. Feelings of jealousy, envy, emotional insecurity, loneliness, guilt, and even self pity can contribute to low self esteem. Symptoms of low self esteem include denial, the inability to express one’s feelings, a heavy dependence on others to feel good about one’s self, blaming others for one’s misfortunes, and not having personal boundaries.

Low self esteem is really about not valuing or having high regard for one’s self. People suffering from low self esteem feel inferior, as though they are not in charge of their lives. They feel victimized, ostracized from society, and unimportant to everyone around them. Because it affects their subconscious, low self esteem is really a deep-seated phenomenon that has its origins in one’s formative years as a child, and is often not an easy problem to fix.

People suffering from self pity tend to be manipulative, using their belief of low self worth to get what they want out of other people. They become almost like parasites, clinging onto the good will of others and becoming dependent on them just to get through their lives. Obviously this would breed negativity in any sort of relationship. Similarly, jealousy can also cause negativity when used as a tool of manipulation.

Some might consider the heavy dependence on others a disease, but in all actuality, it is not by definition a disease. It is a condition affecting the emotional and behavioural aspects of a person that is developed over time and learned, and it affects one’s ability of having healthy relationships or any relationships to speak of. Symptoms of this condition include guilt when expressing honest thoughts, giving more than one receives, and suffering from emotional hurt easily when one’s effort is not seen as significant or even recognised.

The factors contributing to emotional insecurity include a lack of a healthy balance between work and family and one’s self, the fear of intimacy with loved ones, and needing some form of validation in life through drama.

Overcoming these symptoms of low self esteem is crucial if you are aiming to live a healthy, well-adjusted life as an adult. If you are unsure of what to do to improve your relationships with those around you and your feelings of insecurity and self worth, always seek help, from loved ones or even a healthcare professional. The number one mistake people tend to make is believing that they can overcome this problem alone. Low self esteem is a condition that is affecting millions around the world every single day, and recognising the symptoms will definitely go a long way in preventing and overcoming the condition.



Dan

Anthony Stai


Lack of confidence not only affects your state of mind but it also affects how others treat you. Self confidence is something that can be missing from early childhood and continue throughout all of adulthood.

When you fail to develop the self confidence you need, it can affect every aspect of your life, e.g. school, relationships, employment and social situations. However, it’s never too late to improve your confidence and become the person you’ve always wanted to be.

This article will discuss the problems associated with a low confidence level and start you on the journey to a better understanding of what steps to take to rebuild your confidence to levels that you never thought possible.

Shyness and fear are typical expressions of a confidence problem. Hiding from interactions with others and avoidance are symptoms which are correctable with time, effort and the knowledge needed to rebuild your self confidence.

The tools you need for improving your confidence are with you all the time: your mind and your emotions. Your mind will begin the process of control while eliminating emotions like shyness and fear will start you on a track that continues on for the rest of your life. Remember, how you see yourself is how others will see you and having confidence will earn the confidence and respect of others.

Often times our own thoughts are to blame for our low self-confidence. Positive thinking needs to win-out over negative thoughts to be able to build and govern your self confidence. In essence, thinking positive will help develop a stronger you.

Negative thoughts often lead to negative actions and even the possibility of unlawful actions. Whereas, positive thinking will lead to positive actions which then lead to more postive thinking and more positive actions. It is a very circular behavior pattern both negative and positive. With the proper positive mindset, you will exude confidence and success will not be far behind.

So often in today’s world we promote the idea of fitting in and being like the rest of the crowd, but we really should be talking about what makes each one of us unique and how important our individual contributions to society are. Comparing ourselves to others often leads to continued negative thinking and again the cycle continues forever downwards. Emotions like envy can be very destructive and can quickly tear apart years of confidence building only to have to start over.

Developing your self confidence is a continuous life long process. Everyone will have setbacks in their lives but how we react to those setbacks often distinguishes between success and failure. Other powerful techniques that you may work on are learning to use your inner filter, self-criticism and positive self-talk which can take you to the next level of building self confidence.

How to gain self confidence starts with identification and ends with behavioral change and results in a better you. Get started building a better you today!



Bruce