How to keep/gain self-esteem WITHOUT depending on what other people think about us?
FoxyFox
I can simply lose my self esteem by thinking what their opinions about me could be or by simply comparing myself to other people.
I can simply lose my self esteem by thinking what their opinions about me could be or by simply comparing myself to other people.
When I get compliments and respect from other people, I immediately gain more self-esteem. (it wont last long though.)
This goes on and on like this. The problem is I want to keep my it steady and don’t know how.
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Tags: Gain Self Esteem, Respect
December 19th, 2008 at 2:14 am
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Great question.
The self-esteem movement of the 1980’s was a crock, though, and so said my graduate professor of personality psych. This was because they were trying to make everybody feel good all of the time, no matter they did.
The point is, you gotta DO something good. to FEEL good.
So, so what if your opinion of yourself has peaks and valleys, like a roller coaster?
Think of it as a thermometer, OK,
and sometimes you’re hot, and sometimes you’re cold.
But you’re always you, and you will always do the best you can.
At least, if you’re doing the best you can, then you can accept when you do 99% right, and when you do 75% right, or however you want to see it.
We are human, and we exist in a social context.
What others think of us, and how we make others feel, is actually important.
It’s just that what matters is overall, and so thinking of it as a roller coaster or thermometer might help you accept your imperfections, and rate yourself more accurately!
December 21st, 2008 at 6:20 am
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Think about your problem like trying to get water. You can get it from two places, from the weather (people outside of yourself) or from the ground you own (from within.) Depending on how far deep you have drilled inside yourself, that depends on how much water you can draw upon. If you dig a shallow well, that means you have to rely more on the weather to give you what water you need. And if you use up more water than you receive, you’re going to find yourself thirsty.
The water that comes from the rain will trickle down into your resevoir, but it will do so at a trickle, which means that it won’t immediately give you long-lasting results (your water table may rise 1/32 of an inch or less.) And if you run into a drought, that 1/32 of an inch of water, especially in a shallow well, isn’t going to sustain anybody.
When in drought, dig deeper. When in storm, pour it down into the well. learn to depend on the well within, not the fickle storm without.
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:43 pm
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It happens with many people. There is nothing to feel bad.
Think twice before taking a decision and once you are sure that it is a right one ,be confident about it. We do the things according to our convenience and can not compare our selves with others.
If we try to please every body in the world , we can please no body. Be your self. All the best !
December 25th, 2008 at 10:27 am
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The solution is to be yourself at all times. Talk to people more, thank them for their service to you. Shop assistants have their name tags, use that name in your thanks, and so with the checkout operators say hello as you approach use the name see the change in them. they are now a person , not an animated part of a checkout.
Just keep this going, holding doors open for ladies or gents. It is all so easy just try it. Thank a bus driver at the end of a journey.